Alyonka Larionov, Москва, Россия

I’m back. With a new #AWeekly (that’s my newsletter). Here’s an excerpt. Now go subscribe. . This week I wanted to react ((( ahhh another setback! surgery! recovery! poor me poor me! ))). Instead, I took a beat. Turned off my social media. Flew back home. Camped out in the TV room. Watched films. Read books. Listened to lectures. Took notes. Seldomly answered texts. + at times, squirmed in my seat from the non-doing. . Why did I squirm? Because when you're alone + you're actively restricting the outreach f

"It took me quite a long time to develop a voice, + now that I have it, I am not going to be silent." —Madeleine Albright . This quote fits perfectly for this group of women (myself included). Let me tell you why. . Panels are a thing right now. It’s cool to host one, be on one, attend one. It’s what the cool kids are doing. In the past few months I’ve had the honor of hosting + participating in a few. Each time, I get the opportunity not only to share my story with a wide-eyed + attentive audience, but to

#friendshipgoals : you support me, i support you. no questions asked. . . . #women #womenempowerment #bodytalk #bodypositive #realtalk #reatalk???? #jackstudios #panel #panelists #girlfriend #girlfriends #unconditionallove #friends #friendshipquotes #friendships #unconditionalsupport #girlboss #barneysnewyork #luvaj #powerplayers #podcast #brooklynnets

LS: We hear the words “Body Positive” — what are some things that you practice to stay body positive? . AL: I dislike this phrase very much. I dislike any phrase that has the word positive attached to it (whether it’s body positive or life positive, etc). I understand the sentiment but I do not come from the world of positive thinking ie; think and it shall be yours, or, acting positive = results/success, etc. . I believe that the world in which we live - our bodies, our minds, our thoughts, our trajectori

I remember TWO conversations: 1. LA, 2015. Deep in my Anorexia. A new friend, my first Recovering Anorexic friend, says, “there will be that one day when you feel so tired of the rules, the counting, the restricting, the hunger, that you’ll say FUCK it. Give me that. I need it now.” 2. Palm Beach, March 2018, almost a year into my Recovery. A new friend, also in Recovery, says, “there will be a day where your eyes will grow wide with hunger - not for the food - but with the desire to be normal. Just like e

Okay, I’m back: up for air. Kind of. Allow me to explain, as I always do. . I find it interesting that we live in a world where we’ll shell out A LOT to hear + see the “successful” folk speak about their “successes”. We’re glued to every word they say, picking apart their lessons, trying to find secrets, insights + tools we can apply to our own personal + professional trajectories. IF we do as THEM, we too can reap the rewards. Probably. Perhaps. But, truthfully, maybe not. Here’s why. . I consume A LOT of

If you ask my siblings, they’ll tell you that for a long time their nickname for me was (maybe still is) the “fun police”. . I won’t disagree. I PRIDED myself in being a workaholic. First one in, last one out. Putting in hours on the weekend. Playing multiple roles at once. Stepping away from time together to handle “work”. I’d also, from a space of a learned behavior, often frown at anyone’s leisure time. Tisk, tisk. Too weak to survive in the big leagues, eh? In my world of the big leagues there was no r

This past weekend kicked me in the ass in the best possible way: 1. After speaking with an ex whose been out of the picture for 10 years, I was reminded of the importance of a committed relationship + the ways in which it can better your overall state of happiness. It’s stirred up a bunch of thoughts in me - which I’ll share in my next Newsletter (subscribe if you haven’t) - on why I meet so many GREAT people who are Single + miserable - ill tell you why. Plus, I touch on how my own PRIDE in singledom / i

As most, I get easily frustrated with time + the timing of things. Patience is something I’ve yet to master. It’s something my Father always talked about ever since I could remember. In hindsight, his “patience is the key to success” isn’t so different from the Trust The Process philosophy I try to apply to my life + preach in Workshop. However, as with most things, it’s easier said than done, especially when it requires one to rewire YEARS of doing things a certain way. . My lack of patience shows up EVER

Surrender. I talk about it a lot. As per usual, easier said than done. . The past few weeks have felt like a climb up the highest mountain whilst carrying weight too heavy for me, slipping + stumbling on unforeseen pebbles, tucked away neatly in the rocks that make up my journey. . I have gotten angry. I’ve yelled (sorry Ma). I’ve cried in meditation + on the phone (again, sorry Ma). I’ve questioned my purpose, my being, my doing, my neediness, my body + its instability, my recovery, my path + this city, a

My writing is pretty direct. However, the last few weeks + posts have been exceptionally raw. Why? Because it’s obvious that I’m asking a lot of questions of myself + struggling to find the answers. Which, btw, might be the answer: I don’t have one (yet). . I noticed the last 3 posts garnered a lot of feedback. Me too! In the same boat! I feel you, sister. Here’s my story, etc. MOST were via text, email or DM. Meaning: they all came through the private channels. Which led me to this thought: fakk, I’m figh

I don’t like organized anything, ie; when grouped into something with a certain set of rules to follow, a set-in-stone belief system to believe, a specific way of living w/out personal freedom, + a like-minded (at times, similar-looking) community to be apart of. . It’s a space where individuality is lost + conformity is found, at times obligated w/out realization. It’s when one becomes group + when one identifies with other, rather than self. It’s when segregation occurs + prejudice is learned. Not always

DETROIT | we back next week! . Women / 8.20 Men / 8.21 All / 8.23 . Head to the link in bio to RSVP. CanNOT wait to see you all ???? . . . . . #intheunknown #theunknown #detroit #michigan #royaloak #ferndale #bloomfieldhills #birminghammichigan #women #men #workshop #conversation #connection #fam #wellness

Without going into too much detail because TRIGGERS are a thing (u know if u know): . I used to EAT mustard FOR dinner, now I WEAR mustard TO dinner. . Things get better. Get excited people. Issa vibe. . Also, for those of you who’ve previously attended __intheunknown in NYC, keep your eyes open for an email with a giveaway. Can’t wait to TREAT you! . . . . #nyc #theory #mustard #coat #mirrorselfie #eatingdisorderrecovery #edrecovery #intheunknown #soho #shopping #giveaway #treatyoself #issavibe #manhattan

TRUST THE PROCESS. In my quietest of minds I know it exists. I know it takes time in the way that it sees fit. We can try to manipulate + accelerate it, seeking shortcuts + ways to outsmart the system, but you can’t outrun it. The process is there until it isn’t anymore. Breathing in it’s own divine timing. . Easier said than done. Force is something we’ve been taught. Door doesn’t open? Break it down! Opportunities aren’t sticking? Push harder! People aren’t listening? Talk louder! We’re a society which t

PT. 1 // Part of __intheunknown is that everything remains in the unknown. One gets to the Known IF they choose to show up, stay in the Discomfort + work their way through it (together) to a place of personal freedom. I don’t share the stories we tell, however, I’d like to share my story from this week. . Why do we fear The Unknown? Bc it is some ‘thing(s)’ that is totally out of our control, immediately setting off our primal response of fight or flight. . What do we do when we’re out of control? 1. We ru

PT. 2 // In my story, the destruction was not only happening on the outside, it was happening on the inside. The outside was more or less sustainable outside of the few comments of “eat a hamburger” that I could easily ignore. The inside however, due to my forced starvation, caused my body, brain, heart + major organs to eat away at themselves bc there was no energy (or nutrition) to feed off of. . That is the gradual demise of the delusion that is BEING IN CONTROL OF THE UNKNOWN. You may think you’re aliv

Pt. 3 // This is called Awareness. Through this awareness we are able to create a pause + a connection to self + consciousness. When we do this we are actively STAYING WITHIN THE DISCOMFORT. We are calling it out. SPEAKING IT which is what we do in my Workshops. You can also do this by yourself. . In time w/repetition - through various tools I can talk about in another post - the length of the discomfort shortens. Suddenly, eating a meal isn’t as big of an issue as it used to be. It just is. Our brains rea

Looking back on this week in today’s A. Weekly Newsletter. . I’m talking about: Doing Being Accomplished Blessings, and Confidence. . __intheunknown News: - 9.6 is the next ALL In The Unknown #NYC date - look out for a Zoom session (yes this means you can access The Unknown collectively from the comforts of your home - 1o1’s, via Skype, FT or phone for deeper or private work . intheunknownpod will have new episodes in the coming weeks . My Asks! - I am looking for questions FROM YOU for a new YouTube serie

If you subscribe to my POD, you’ve just received a new episode. It’s not an interview. It’s me. Six minutes and 20 seconds of me. I’m calling this ‘A’ and I’ll be rolling these out every now + then. Meaning, when the timing is right! . Why? Because many of you write to me with questions on IN THE UNKNOWN + with requests to expand on some of my writings via my blog + IG. I’m doing my best to respond but it’s become a bit difficult to carve out the time. . So, from now on I’ll answer some of the more popular

As I sat next to Igor on his 20th Birthday, my mind filled w/thoughts + questions. I observed, speaking little during dinner. I wanted to study him. Learn from him. Perhaps pick up on something I wasn't seeing in myself. . To me he seemed clear-headed, determined, focused, + even w/his eyes on the prize there was a lightness about him. He took life seriously but not too seriously. There seemed to be some sort of an equilibrium that I have long desired to attain + understand, but that continues to evade me.

My A WEEKLY Newsletter just went out. Below you can find excerpts. Thx for helping me flush out these ideas devinjamesgilmartin + insta_gambler (also on the ????). . . . Thanks to Drake - (don’t ask) - I dove into a spiral of questioning why we share publicly at all? I began wondering how much of this world is actually real. I’ve said this before, on social media we showcase the 1% of our most glamorous selves, while hiding the 99% of our truths; the truths being the difficult moments, the not so pretty fa

There’s a new chapter coming up for me. I will be writing about it soon. . Part of it will be immersing myself that much more deeply into the space of THE UNKNOWN. I talk about it all the time in life + in work. I ask people to step into its fear. And so I must keep myself accountable in the process of it, otherwise, I’m spitting lies instead of truths. . I’ve not talked much about this summer (August in particular) but it was a hard one on many levels, mostly physically and emotionally. This piece of writ

Dressed up for my last night in Brooklyn ????

AS IF ON PURPOSE // I’m starting to believe that it is just that. The same thing happens until we’ve gotten the hint + learned our lesson. . This one isn’t a HUGE lesson but a big one in the grand scheme of things. If you’ve followed my IG story you’ve seen me complain about the NYC heat. Now, to be fair, it was hot for everyone. The difference for me is that bc I damaged my body to the degree that I did during my ED, I get physically ill from temperatures higher than 84, especially in humidity + negative

Spent this past week recording new episodes for intheunknownpod. It’s part of my personal desire to continue challenging myself to face my fears + their accompanying discomforts. . I LOVE being prepared. I LOVE researching the shit out of everything (kadiedarling can vouch). I LOVE knowing all the necessaries + unnecessaries just so that I can say I do, + partly so that I can provide a sense of comfort for my guest. But MOST of that is my need for control. My need to seem like I have my shit together. My n

ON THE BLOG: all the things I’ve learned from my summer stint in NYC. . I walk you through all the cryptic posts I’ve made on surgery, health + personal setbacks, closing doors, downs + downs, + difficulties. . Then we go out to the lessons-learned + takeaways: Release Your Plan Listen to Your Body Leave the Damn Door Closed Busyness IS Laziness #MirrorMe Ask For Help As Good As It Gets Surrender Your Force Be Kinder to Yourself. . I also open up on the next leg of my journey and what you can expect as I e

ON THE BLOG // “You have a Brain. Take Responsibility” was part of an email I received. . It hurt. It could have been said in a nicer way. But it wasn’t. Truthfully it wouldn’t have had the affect on me that it did, had it been delivered differently. It struck a chord. . Here’s what it did for me. First I got defensive stating all the things I was DOING. Then I reverted back into my hurting child showcasing all the things I’ve cut out over the years to be acceptable in the world. Then I began to count my b

“I MISS THE WEIRD YOU,” diana.larionov texted me this week. . I said, “i don’t know where she is”. To which she replied, “that’s too bad. I liked her.” It got me thinking: how many people are sitting suffering, acting like shells of themselves in order to fit in with the world. How sad. How painful. I know. Bc I filled that part of me up with my Eating Disorder. Now that it’s been mostly eradicated I’ve been feeling a hollowness — the very same one I’ve been BUSYING myself up with in order not to feel. I t

This one was a work in progress — the very kind you think about in hindsight and say, “ohhh now it all makes sense”. . In a full circle kind of moment, it’s wild to think that in 2015 I moved to LA, leaving the world of broadcast + hosting to be “normal”. That meant not striving for fame, or career greatness, or legacy. It meant just being someone who works to be able to live. That’s when I started work at Theory. It was in these months - when I look back at my journals - that I began writing notes like th

Tomorrow I embark on a new journey of In The Unknown. Today, I’m looking back on my last leg of this adventure: my road trip with iamchesterpink. . I’m posting a ton of videos from our time On The Road + this one in particular really hits home as I mentally + emotionally prep myself for tomorrow (hello one-way ticket to Moscow). . This video (link in bio) was filmed a little over 24 hours after our departure from Detroit. Technically speaking, it’s Day 1 + the coward in me is ready to call it quits. In the

Part of the goal of this trip is to reconnect with my inner-child. While sitting outside in the outskirts of Moscow, in a place called Kaluga Oblast, I heard someone yell, “Alyonka!”. There are a few homes here maybe 8 or so, + not much else for miles. Then I heard a response, “I’m here!” + it didn’t come from me. Suddenly a 6-year old appears. Alyonka. A mirror for me. . At first she was shy. Then she took me on a tour of her dacha. We fed her cow. Chatted with the roosters. Picked apples. Found the nut t

Going dark for the next week. . No social media No email No text No talking (except for maybe with myself at times...it tends to get quite lonely in the silence until things come up, or readjustment occurs) No TV No to Working (work-free zone!) . I’m not sure about listening to podcasts (gut says no- so will probably move with that feeling). Will wait to listen to music until I absolutely have to. Will avoid YouTube although I’ll itch to watch interesting interviews + docs. Films? Feel like I can do withou

IM BACK-ISH. . If you’re subscribed to my newsletter (which you can do on my website) you’ve already received all the newest and latest content; including a new pod with shaundeezy_diesel (+ a link to attend her upcoming NY Retreat), new video content for you to watch on my YouTube, and a full breakdown on my first week in Russia. . Read about my Intentional Silence and Isolation which built up my first 7 days in Moscow by clicking the link in bio, or looking at my story, and then swiping up. . It includes

IN SILENCE THERE IS SOUND if you allow for it. Here’s what happened when I went Quiet for 7 days // . Wake up. Walk downstairs. Make coffee. Sit at table + write. Write whatever comes up. Do not have a direction. Do not have a plan. Do not have a motive. Just write. I’d write until I was empty + then I’d make breakfast. I’d sit + eat in silence just looking around the house. Then I’d sit to write in my notebook. Around noon I’d make lunch. Then I would read a book. Before dinner, I would walk in the neighb

There is something entirely uncomfortable seeing oneself on camera — doing the mundane things, the everyday things that we all do + only a few get to see. . Our angles are quite startling when not controlled + the sides of ourselves that we try not to show are seen, or perhaps they’re always seen, we’re just not used to seeing them. It’s funny how good we can make ourselves look with the right mirror + the right angle + the right pose + the right light + the right filter. So much work goes into our looking

Instead of feeding advice or lecturing, try asking a question. . We talk about this in Workshop all the time. In fact, it’s a must. When someone’s done sharing, if another’s got something to say, instead of feeding advice or lecturing, I ask them to form whatever it is they have to say into a question. What this does is allows the sharer to continue speaking openly about whatever it is that they’re sharing, instead of feeling backed up into a corner, feeling expose, small + defensive. . MY TURN TO SHARE. I

I just completed my 4 day stay with my Grandpa. This November he’s turning 91. During this time I was on his schedule mimicking his daily life in order to spend as much time together as possible. . His days look like this: wake at 730, make the bed, put on the kettle, bathe, shave, comb hair, put on a crisply ironed shirt, pants + slippers. Set table for breakfast. Make food. Pour tea. Add 3 spoons of sugar. Stir. Taste. Make the kind of sound they make in soda commercials. Eat food. Wash dishes. Then he’d

mood | настроение . . . . #москва #ларионов #ларионовы #игорь #мама #папа #семья #молодость #первыйребенок #футбол #спорт #fbf #russia #moscow #parents #family #firstborn #puma #soccer #football #youth #nostalgia

New Country. New Attitude. New Look. . Спасибо [id2155729|albinakhabirova] за эту красоту и larmi77 за то что ты нас соединила ???????? . . . . #волосы #краскадляволос #парихмахер #лук #корни #родина #россия #аленка #алена #аленкаларионова #look #newlook #whodis #haircolor #hairstyle #newattitude

haven’t left the art studio in 10 days trying to figure out a proper self-portrait which arrived in the form of Frida; half-naked bandaged, holding herself together by a steel rod, and trapped inside of her own body, which surprisingly worked well with my own personal theme from majority of my Recovery . . . . #frida #fridakahlo #art #painting #selfportrait #mirrorme #artist #colorpalette #guache #trapped #artyourself #artistsoninstagram #expressyourself #inner #innerbeing #findyourtruth #uberlingen #germa

Art is simultaneously terrifying and freeing. Terrifying if you allow the fear to paralyze you in your tracks. Freeing if you Surrender into the Process. . The blank canvas allows one the opportunity to tap into your intuition, to access your inner voice, to trust your hand as it picks and chooses tools, colors, materials, and to Courageously Show Up as the events unfold in front of you, taking little breathers to check-in with Self to course correct, change perspective, gain clarity, and to respond, inste

Alyonka Larionov

Alyonka Larionov

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